Visions of Noise

  The journey home is the most difficult to take. I don’t recall a time since my puberty years that I’d ever stayed in one place longer than I needed to. In some ways, I lived a sheltered life, never venturing too far from the house or never really stepping out of my comfort zone until I was sent off to Baguio to experience the barriotic life. There—in what was considered a “small town” community, I learned to be my own person. I had to face the reality that I needed to depend on myself for the littlest things. I was taught to do chores which I mostly hated: laundry, cooking, cleaning my room, and taking care of the house pets. It was also during that time that I literally learned to live away from home with very few creature comforts often under inclement weather. I subjected my body and mind to conditions that would make a normal city kid crazy. Surprisingly, I loved that idea of discomfort and working hard for every inch of ground I covered, every meal that got cooked under t...

  Doing a documentary for the government in Mindanao. ca.2010 As I watched my marriage crumble 13 years ago, I fell into a deep, dark hole thinking, “How I envy people who have ONE single skill they are absolutely good at and make a shitload of money with!” Until recently, I was still stuck in that same hole, thinking that money would solve all my worries and life would be fine and dandy again but as it turns out, my life is lightyears better now than it was when I thought the same way. It’s not that I’ve gained financial freedom but rather, freedom in an esoteric sense. Working as a First Assistant for a major photo studio in 1993. From where I stand, I can name a few hats I’ve worn over the years and I get to thinking if there is anyone else—friend or family—that has gone through the same evolution as I have. Modesty aside, I am quite amazed at what I’ve been able to accomplish over the last few years alone, that I might never have had I forced the issue and made peace with m...

In a perfect world, there would be you and me. Perfection is what we are with all our flaws and frailties. I could think of all the women I went for and until recently, those who have caught my eye but not my heart and I noticed a pattern—something that repeated itself over and over until my last failed attempt at happiness. As I go farther along this journey, I have noticed major changes in how I see things. Maybe I should say, I’ve been looking at the world with my own eyes until I was blinded. I have always gone against the grain but for some reason, some fluke of human nature compelled me to conform to what was deemed, “normal” and “proper”. While many consider 2020 a bad year, I see it as deliverance from my previous sins. If anything, the year was a “rude awakening” or an epiphany. I am no longer the person I was towards the end of December. In almost a blink of an eye, I made a 180-degree turn towards the light. No, I am not speaking of religion or faith. Each one of us has ...

If you knew I was in love with you, I wonder how you would react. I’m hoping you never ask me, “Why?”, because I will never be able to give you a straight answer. I’m trying to figure things out myself. I am just as perplexed as you are but that shouldn’t stop you from reciprocating. I wouldn’t be surprised if you chose to walk away. I am no stranger to rejection. I guess I’ve just been dealing with the pain long enough to numb my emotions. Maybe, even the emotions only you made me feel. I might be able to tell you about the nights since I met you late one summer evening. It was an ungodly hour to work in a field that knows no breaks, days off or business hours. I knew, looking at your eyes that underneath the mask is a lovely young lady who is passionate about what she does. Passion has always been my driving force and it is something you have rekindled and kept burning for me. I can tell you that you make me feel like a “superhero” in a preoccupation where only young men thriv...

I could never start or end a day withoit you coming to mind. As I go about my daily business, I picture you beside me. Maybe I could read you a piece or two. Maybe we could hike up a mountain or take a leisurely stroll in a park or watch a sunset over a cup of coffee. Maybe we could drive around and be lost on a lonely road, a long way off a populated area. Wherever I am and whatever I do, I take you with me, whether I'm on a solo ride with Jennifer, doing food prep in a makeshift kitchen or looking at cloud formations at 26,000 feet as the sun kisses the horizon. The sound of your name lights me up like a kid on Christmas morning. Seeing your smile makes me shine even brighter and I am amazed at how I walked the earth not knowing you ever existed. I can no longer manage a day without sending you my fondest thoughts. If I was a poet, then you are the soul that breathes life into  my words. You are the fire that fuels my passion. You are the poetry that I struggle to master as you a...

When you meet someone for the first time and you are inexplicably and irreversibly drawn towards her, every chance you get to be with her is gold. Conversely, the longing, the aching to be with her again can be excruciating on a good day—indescribable, on a bad one! Manila, you are a mystery and my fascination for you cannot be justified by mere words. Call it what you want but see it for what it is. Only you have the power to unlock me from the chains that bind me. It is solely by your love that I will be free again!

She may not be a stunner but she is beautiful not because of how I look at her but because she sees me for what I am—an attraction that cannot be explained or demystified. I have fallen deep and I can't find my way back up. I would rather be lost than find myself in the arms of another. 

 I've had the good fortune of being anyone I wanted to be, doing anything I wanted to do. Yes, I've lived and died countless times in the last half century. It would seem that everywhere I went, I thrived and prevailed despite the challenges. I can think of a thousand things I'd rather be than what I am now but there's nowhere I'd rather be at this very moment than with you, Manila! If being here now puts me within arms reach, then this is where I'll be. If in my dreams we can be together then let me drift away to slumber but please be there when I wake up. You may not be mine just yet but I am yours right here, right now! Goodnight, wherever you are.

 I am difficult to impress. Seldom will I drool over material things. I am greatly turned on by special skills, literary genius, linguists, artists and anyone willing to risk it all just for an adrenaline fix. If you tick all these boxes, Manila, I'd buy you a drink!