Zest and Zen (20.9.2012)

 Author's note: Thank you, Hanna, Bo, Aimee, Mylene and Jim! You are the inspiration behind this piece.

Getting back into the writing mood right now...

I wish I had some sort of a recording device in my head that would allow me to archive my thoughts before I put them on paper. Of the thousandhs of idle hours I've spent pondering over things, I would have had a million thoughts immortalized.

I love the physical aspect of traveling. It's never the destination but the journey; those precious moments when you can just stare out the window of a moving vehicle be it a train, ship or a plane. I like the quiet moments; listening to the ocean over the hum of a ship's engines, watching cloud formations with the monotonic drone of an aircraft's engines or watching plains and rice fields as they sweep past the window of a bus.

I love long trips; destinations that take hours, variations in terrain from paddies to forest to mountains. I like watching the urban landscape from the LRT as I go off to work; watching the rooftops, distinguishing which windows on a building open up to an office, restroom or fire escape. I like counting the wi-fi antennas on rooftops and looking for good anchors and exits for a possible rappel jump!

I like watching mesmerized as the tiers on the railroad track rush past. It's like watching your life pass you by in a blur. I like looking at the water patterns on the windows after a hard rain or while the drops draw linear patterns on reinforced glass.

There are times when I take the long, scenic route; mostly when I feel the need for solitude. I only take the train to go to work. On rare occasions, I like taking the bus for example from Cubao to Manila rather than take connecting trains for the same purpose. I like the freedom to get off anywhere I choose without having to wait for the next stop.

This is mostly how I live—adapting to whatever and wherever my life takes me.

There are days when priorities are imperative. There are times when one needs to slow down. There are opportunities to be grabbed and some you need to wait for. It's just like fishing—you never rush and when you get a bite, you should never be in a hurry to reel the catch in lest you intend to lose it!

I feel I am slowly achieving some sort of enlightenment. I guess the only stumbling block is not getting pissed or that feeling of disappointment when things don't go my way. I am amazed at some things I have been able to achieve both in my personal and professional life.

My job isn't an easy one despite the false sense of glamor it implies. In reality, I am a mere “foot soldier” who mostly takes orders. There is no shame in that. The fact that I am trusted is enough honor for me. The fact that I have lasted in this business the way I have is testament enough of my competence and skill though I am far from being a polished diamond.

At the end of the day, one needs to consider responsibility and obligation. My life is not my own to live. There are those who depend upon me for survival, inspiration and motivation—that is my true vocation.

On a personal level, I have changed considerably over the last few months. I say that proudly. These days, I see a different person staring back at me in the mirror. I am the same person, though—with the same human frailties. I take what I can get and try to improvise, overcome and adapt to what I have. I am thankful mostly for the people around me; my children, my family, my closest friends and dear coworkers. I am especially thankful to those who serve as the flint and striker, the catalysts who've sparked this change in me.

You know who you are...my life is not mine. I live for you!

I am pleased that everyday I chip away some of the “old me” from a plain block of wood. A new person is slowly emerging, taking shape but not form. There is a lot to chisel at and sand but I am learning patience.

I am nothing and nobody trying to make something out of myself so I may have something to share.