The Telephone: Princess, Part 1

 “Here's her phone number. Do give her a ring sometime.”, his friend said.

 - “Call her, why?”

 “You might get lucky!”

He stared at the slip of paper in his hand. Little did he know, those 7-digits could actually change his life forever. He folded it, slipped it in his wallet and took the bus home. That night, he lay in bed thinking of how he would start a conversation with someone he never met.

Those were the days long before the pocket pager, the mobile phone or the internet. Back then, meeting women was done the hard way – up close and personal! Blind dates were common but it was hardly ideal. Unlike dating online, real blind dates meant that one had to trust available intel on someone. There were hardly any visual references; no photo albums on Facebook, no MMS -- NOTHING! More often than not, blind dates ended up in disastrous circumstances.

He never knew how lucky he was!

His heart was thumping as his fingers rotated the dial on the analog telephone. There was a funny “clicking” sound as the wheel returned home to complete one digit in the phone number sequence. A trickle of sweat dripped from his forehead as he waited for the ringing tone on the other end of the line...

He did not wait long. A lively voice greeted him on the other end. It was as if the lady were sitting beside the phone as he made the call.

“Hello?"

- “Good evening, may I please speak with _____?”

“This is she. You must be _____?”

- “Yes, I am. How did you know?”

“Oh, your best friend told me all about you.”

- “Really? How much did he tell you?”

...and so, the conversation went. It was around 10pm when he first picked up the handset. They ended at around 2am, both pleased with how the chat went and whom they were in touch with. What they had difficulty with was how to end such an animated first encounter. Such would be the norm every time he called her. This would go on for the next 2-months.

They agreed to meet about a week after that first call. It was a bookstore right across the university where she had gone to school. It was a highly anticipated eyeball. It was his very first date – ever! It was probably the longest night of his life as sleep would not come to him. All he could think about was the voice on the other end; sweet, bubbly and cute. She was smart to a point where she could talk at length about anything. He was praying that whatever image he had of her would match the actual person.

“How would I know it's you?”, she asked."

- “I look quite ordinary. Curly hair, a white tee, blue jeans and combat boots.”

“Nice outfit! I wonder if you would still talk to me after we meet.”

- “ Why is that?”

“Because I'm heavy! I'm five-feet flat – both ways.”

- “What the fuck?”

“Hahaha, I was just teasing you! I'll be in a dress to distinguish me from most students in the area. I have long hair and I look very oriental.”

- “Fine with me. I can't wait!”

It was raining that afternoon when they rendezvoused. He would never bring an umbrella so he was slightly wet when he walked into the bookstore. He scanned the perimeter then walked casually along each aisle, looking over the rows of bookshelves to see if his date was already there. He had been early.

He was reading a book on photography when the bell on the door rang signaling the arrival of a customer. He looked up and turned white as he saw a heavyset girl who fit the same description – dress and all – walked in and looked around as if expecting to meet someone.

“Oh, fuck!”, he thought to himself, searching for a backdoor to make a surreptitious exit. He could not believe she was that fat! “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

The photography book went back to the shelf. He put on the pair of Ray Ban's he always carried regardless of whether conditions (he always had dark patches beneath the eyes from staying up late) and made for the door. Before he could reach for it, a girl in a summer dress, long hair and oriental features walked in. Their eyes locked on each other. She smiled.

“You must be ____?”

- “I think I am.”, he said, still quite pale from the near mishap with the plump girl.

“You look like you've seen a ghost.”, she said quite casually.

He was about to answer when the same fat lady walked past them. She sees the dress and they both crack up!