The Pillow 4: No Forward. No Rewind

It was good to see her from a distance. It has been quite a while but it seems life has been kind to both of them. Deep down, he knew they would never speak to each other again...

He was told often enough not to think too much but he could never resist putting his thoughts into tangible form. It was usually at night when the vivid memory comes to call. Despite the fiasco, he felt no regret. It was no longer a concept that mattered. Life was meant to be lived with only the “play” button—no forward, no rewind. Like an old movie on the VCR, one knows how it will all end. There was no changing the plot. It was never his call.

Every waking day was a challenge. Resisting the urge to call, to see how she's doing or maybe even to apologize. But he felt no guilt. Love was never having to explain how one felt. He had loved her maybe more than anyone ever did. She was trapped in a make-believe world, thinking that those around her care enough—a lamb among wolves she chose to surround herself with.

The pain never left him. It was like a gun tucked at the waist, quite uncomfortable and chafing the skin but he felt some sense of security it was there should he ever need it.

He was now beginning to question whether he did...

Most have told him, “love is an investment.” He would never agree there was any wisdom in that. He knew that one could never expect reciprocation. It was either there or it never was. He had loved her regardless! There was never any doubt he did. This much he knew and it was enough to put him to sleep when dragons came to dreamland.

Once his eyes were closed, the projector rolls, but a different flick comes on screen...

It was a darkened living room with a narrow beam filtering through a partially open bathroom door. She was wearing a ball cap and a red blouse. They had been out late, having pretty much enjoyed each others company after a really late dinner. He had walked her home. She lived in a cozy dig in the heart of the sprawling metropolis. He felt very much at home.

They were quiet mostly. In the half-light, she was aglow. He had never seen her like this since he met her during the hot summer that year. A light rain was pouring and there was a rhythmic, droning patter mixing in with the silence. He was facing her. Their eyes were locked. Her smile lit up his whole world!

Dawn was breaking in a few hours. It felt like time was running out on him and he wanted to hold on to that moment forever. Neither one reached for the other until he could bear it no longer. He got up from the couch and knelt in front of her. She made no move to repel him. It was as if she was waiting for him to close the gap between them.

She was looking down at him. He was staring up at her, appreciating the sparkle in her eyes and her supple lips. Everything about her seemed so beautiful, irresistible and was causing him much pain—the wanting and needing to claim what he felt was his!

He wrapped his arms around her waist. Her perfume was beginning to intoxicate him....“I'm in love with you!”, he whispered. She did not reply. It seemed she was neither surprised nor appalled.

He was not expecting an answer. He started putting his lips close to her nape and softly blew over the skin, making sure he was close but not touching before he started kissing. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back. He heard a soft moan....