The Cassette Recorder

It was a rainy day in July or maybe August of 1993. I walked up to her on the driveway of the hotel she worked in. She was a boss in her department and she seemed like an interesting person to get to know better. That particular day, I wasn't really thinking of anything more than striking up a conversation so I just said, "Hi!" and she reciprocated with a giggle. Of course, we already knew each other but this was the first time, after watching her walk by the hotel lobby so many times before that I actually mustered the courage to make contact apart from the pleasantries we exchanged whenever we passed each other.

We ended up talking for about a half hour while she waited for her mom to pick her up. I managed to acquire a phone number and got her permission to call whenever I felt like it. This was one of the rare times I felt butterflies in the belly and a restlessness I could not explain. I was aching to get home that night and ring her.

Although I never called her that same night, I got her to go on a date that same weekend. I picked her up from the hotel and we walked to the nearest Pizza Hut. At first, we were ushered to a small table for two. I didn't know what she was thinking at the time but she started ordering food for maybe three or four people. While she was rambling on, I was curiously scanning my left and right, expecting to find other people at the table but no, we were alone.

When she was done ordering, I pulled the waiter aside and quite loudly told him, "I'd like to order another table, please. Ours won't take all that food she ordered!" She broke out into a pleasant, melodic laugh that to this day, still haunts me.

When we finished, I was so stuffed! We talked some more and she was giggling like a school girl at all my stories and jokes. She really seemed happy that night. As the laughter settled, I raised my hand to get a waiter to call for the bill but the staff seemed to be oblivious to my gestures. I was getting irritated and finally I whispered to her, "If the staff refuses to come to our table, we'll make for the door while they have their backs turned to us. You game?" That sent her almost to the floor cracking herself up!

No, we didn't skip the check. We paid and we left but she couldn't get over the fact that I wanted to stiff the waiter. That night was the beginning of many more adventures. 

The thing I would never forget was the time she was in Japan for business. Late at night, my phone rang and when I picked it up, her voice came through on the other end. Although we regularly called each other, I never really expected her to spend for a long distance call.

She said, "Hey, it's me! I'm in this amazing hotel room where you can tune the radio to a station that plays nature sounds and I chose the sound of a running brook. It reminds me of you."

Before that long distance call, we were just literally going out and seeing each other. What she said that night magnified my already blossoming fondness for her. What she said totally blew me away and I would fall madly and deeply in love with her.

But she didn't stop there. When she came home, she asked to meet because she bought something for me. I was incredulous when I opened the package! It was a brand new, state of the art (back then), cassette recorder with a built-in external speaker and stereo microphone! "This is so that you never lose your thoughts. You can just speak into the mic whenever you need to," she said.

Yes, that gadget became like the center of my universe. I was speaking into the microphone like it was her and later on writing down those thoughts. I was inspired and unstoppable. I practically penned all those stories, thoughts and poetry in two hardbound blank notebooks. I was smoking!

For the first time in my life, I was writing because I was happy!

Sadly, some things come to their--sometimes--bitter end, sometimes even before they begin. It was on my birthday that year that Mikey and I had our last date. We were in her office and we were sitting at the reception area where there was a couch. She was strangely quiet. She started to cry before she even spoke. I asked her if she was crying because she was falling for me. She said, "Falling is such an understatement!" Before she said another word, I took her in my arms and kissed her passionately but she finally broke away and said, "Happy birthday. Goodbye!"

She rushed out the door and I was too shocked to even go after her.

Although we had one last breakfast together, she was firm about her decision to leave and her request that I distance myself from her was quite implicit. She no longer took my calls and I was left with only the memories and the cassette recorder on nights when I wished it she in my arms.  

The cassette recorder has long since died. Although I met other women over the years, there was never one quite like Mikey and I could no longer write unless there was a demon I was trying to tame. Writing became a spouse to solitude and when I was in a happy relationship, my writing would simply be bland. I had to hurt some for me to write well or to churn out a body of work that pleased me.  

I have not seen Mikey in over two decades. I did try, out of curiosity to find her on social media but it was pointless. I know what her personal circumstances were and she would be the kind of person who never wanted to be found especially by ex-lovers. 

What we had may have ended but she left me with the words, images and memories. New thoughts come into my mind and new pieces are created out of these. I no longer miss Mikey although I am curious as to what she has become after all that time. Maybe the love is dead but my writing lives on. 

I am still here. I am all that matters.